Rebuttal from a Toxic Wife

This article irritates me:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/global/main.jhtml?xml=/global/2007/01/16/ftwives116.xml&page=1


It is interesting how the men in this article seem to feel the money coming in belongs to them and not to the family. I'm sure these men don't drive around in economical, practical little SMART cars while their wives spend extravagant amounts of money on nannies and house cleaners. They don't empty their trash at work or clean up after the lunch that they did not prepare for themselves during the day. They do not have primary responsibility for their children. Why do they resent their wives for treating themselves to the same lifestyle?

They seem to think that they didn't choose the life they are living, and, more importantly, don't get anything out of it. I'm sure the shoe polisher used as an example in this article as a superfluous expense also polishes the husbands shoes. (If not, then I believe he would be justified in asking for a divorce and an exemption from spousal support.) Did these men honestly think that marriage meant they would be living with Mary Poppins by day and Tracy Lords by night? Were their mothers like that? Or were they raised by hired help?

They are oblivious to the fact that the "emptiness" of their wives is most likely due to the empty life they have provided by focusing on their egos and financial liquidity and disappearing into work. What woman wouldn't be empty when money is thrown at her to replace attention, affection and respect?

Women also have fantasies about marriage that get quickly shot down. You believe that you will continue to have a boyfriend who will organize and be emotionally present on fantastic dates instead of having to resort to girls nights out just to talk to other adults who view you as an equal. You believe you will have input and influence on your life together instead of finding the reality that his career path is now the compass for your life. You believe that marriage will not change how you crave and relate to each other physically. That he will continue to respect the boundaries of your body and thus seduce you with love and understanding instead of merely coming to bed naked and being upset that you aren't physically present every time that happens.

If they think for a minute they would feel life was more equitable if their wife worked, they would be shocked by the responsibility they would have to themselves take on or hire out to somebody. How could they take business trips or work late every evening if their wife had her own busy career and might be traveling or working late as well? They'd have to at least get someone to water the plants and let the dog out. No matter how much money you make, you still need someone to do the basics tasks such as make sure the money is accounted for and bills are paid, doctors bills are submitted to insurance and the subsequent non-payments by insurance are followed up on repeatedly. Who gets to be home for any contractors or deliveries? Who does the grocery shopping so that there are at least ready made meals on hand? Who keeps the house staff from stealing from you? This doesn't even include the responsibilities to the children. What happens when the kids are sick or get suspended from school? Who steps in as caregiver when the Nanny quits or sends you a text that she's not showing up today? Even the most staffed household needs a responsible leader and backup person.

Getting married and having kids is an expensive thing to do both financially and emotionally, but there is some reason that we are driven to it. There must be something we get out of it that makes up for all of that. We're willing to put endless amounts of effort into attaining cars, houses and bank accounts. Companionship. Support. Comfort. Friendship. Love. Are those things in life these men feel they don't need to work for?

Any man over 35, married or single, still needs someone to depend on for those basic elements of life. Perhaps these poor, put-upon, rich men are better suited for sharing their life with someone more selfless, someone willing to put their needs on hold, provide them with clean clothes, warm meals and comfort while they enjoy the fruits of their white collar labor. Actually, I'm sure a few of their mothers would be more than happy to take them back.